- Don't skimp on the toilet paper.
- Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
- Old men fall for younger women. Old women get even.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Life insurance is a no win situation.
- If someone is nice to you, but not to the waitress, dump them.
- Marriage is not a fairy tale, it's an ordeal.
- No matter what you think about growing old, or how many hair
implants you have, or how much plastic surgery you get, it's still going
to happen. Don't make yourself look ridiculous in the process.
Sixty-five should not look like 45.
- Not every day is going to be good.
- Simplify as much as you can. The less complicated, the better.
- Time is the most precious asset you got. Use it wisely.
- Politicians are only as good, or bad, as the people who elect them.
- Bad happens, sorrow abounds, disasters occur, but you can still chose to live happily.
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