THE MAKING OF A CURMUDGEON (A crusty, ill-tempered and usually, old man; a cantankerous old codger).

*First of all, you need to look mean. Wipe that funny looking politicians smirk off your face.
*If someone is nice to you, immediately grab hold of your wallet.
*You don't take compliments very well because you're trying to peeve everyone off.
*Most ministers make you nervous.
*In the scheme of things, you can't figure out why gynecologists and proctologists don't get arrested.
*You remain skeptical about the virgin birth.
*Evolution makes sense to you because God wouldn't create anything as stupid as most humans.
*You're not much into personal growth, unless it has something to do with the male sex organ.
*You would prefer that females not be allowed in taverns, unless, of course, they are dancing up-front.
*You expect the worst out of people, and you are generally not disappointed.
*It's hard for you to understand how businesses can make so much money and provide such poor service.
It takes a lot of work to become a curmudgeon, and it can be a lonely existence. But that doesn't stop you, because you prefer dogs over humans anyway.