NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

 Everyone should make some. New Year Resolutions. It is a great opportunity to do some life planning, to set some goals that you can work towards in the coming year. It is a time for renewal. What better way to make yourself depressed than to realize that you have very little control over your life. Still, I think it is worthwhile to get some things down on paper:

I'm going to work on my patience. I have way too much. I've been waiting for Congress to do the right thing for 65 years. It ain't going to happen.

I'm going to learn more about computers. After all, computers are the future. You can do everything and anything from a computer. I heard the other day a guy had sex with a woman in a chat room. And here I am blogging.

I recently made a commitment to change everything I possibly can in a 24 hour period. I started with my underwear. Today I'm going to work on changing people's opinions about war. Most people seem to like war. Once I explain to them how getting shot can really hurt, I'm sure they will change their mind. Later, I'm going to change my socks. Then I'm going to work on changing our health-care system. The fiscal cliff. I already fixed that. Who cares? Most of the country is already over the cliff.

I'm going to try to be more patriotic. I love this country, although there are a few things I would like to see changed, like starting universal health-care, ending corporate control of Washington, protecting individual rights, sending the Supreme Court to Afghanistan, ending corporate welfare, cutting the defense budget in half, and eliminating corporate donations to candidates to zero, and allowing individuals to contribute $20. Other than those things, and maybe a half-dozen others, this place ain't all that bad.

I'm going to try to stop cussing, although I don't see the point of it. Cussing has become quite common. Books, TV, radio, newspapers, school yards, nursery schools. Everybody cusses. The first word me son said was damn. I tried to kid myself into believing he meant dam, like a structure that holds back water, but who was I kidding. The whole "damn" thing still upsets me.

I have to get over being disappointed with ministers. I was almost one myself. I think my disappointment with most reverends has to do with expectations. I expect them to help us with our spirituality, not our ideology, although I do think Christ would have been a liberal Democrat.

Forgiveness is hard. I need to work on forgiveness. Forgiveness is closely linked to forgetting. I'm good at forgetting, but bad at forgiving. A lot of times I forget who I forgave. This can end up being embarrassing. So if I forgave you, but I'm not acting like it, forgive me.

I have to start trusting people more. After 9/11, I have become terrible. I no longer open the mail, which has vicariously helped my financial position, and when my kids call, I make them give me their social security number. The only person I really trust is my wife, which I have no explanation for. I'm beginning to trust people of color a little more, but I can't find any here in the Village. I have flown since 9/11. It wasn't that bad. I was only detained for 24 hours. I think it was the wig and fake beard.

So there, another year of resolutions.I think it will work out fine.

Have a Happy New Year. And remember, if you drink, don't talk.