- If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
- I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
- I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
- I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are
women you wouldn't want to screw in the first place? There's such
balance in nature.
- Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man...living
in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day.
And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want
you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a
special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish,
where you will live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the
end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
George Carlin
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