How to Know If You Are a Republican

• You get stomped in a Presidential election, but you are pretty sure you really won.
• You are opposed to the government helping anyone but the rich.
• You think all artists are gay.
• Your favorite bumper sticker was, "George W. Bush: An American Hero.
• Your are sure Jesus was a Republican and carried a gun.
• You think healthcare is a commodity, to be bought and sold like a Rolex, or a fine bottle of wine.
• You listen to Rush Limbaugh as though he were a Prophet, rather than a naysayer with a string of baloney about 5 miles long and 2 miles wide.
• You are convinced that an unborn fetus is more important than the living.
• You are old, a military fanatic, white, Christian, and the single most important thing is your life is hoping that we can all go back to the 1850's and be happy once again.