Questions About "Leave It To Peever."

• Do you know anything about anything? I know a little about a lot and hardly anything about most things that matter.
• How long have you been writing this crap?  Too long.
• Have you written any books?  Several. The last was, "Why All Politicians Are Perfect Assholes."  I wrote it with a proctologist from Jersey.
• Where do you get all your goofy material from?  I read the Village Voice.
• Do you have any idea how many people you offend? At last count, about 98%. I'm going for a hundred.
• Are all of your statistics and facts accurate? In the twenty years I wrote this column, I have made two mistakes. I mentioned most people don't believe in the Easter Bunny, and that the directors of Hot Springs Village all seem to be above average intelligence. I was wrong on both accounts. 
•  Are you accountable to anyone for what you write? I figure I'm only accountable to my higher power, but my wife seldom reads what I write. So I'm pretty much home free. 
• You sure don't like Tom Cotton, our new federal representative. What's the deal?  He stinks of right-wing stupidity.  And I hate the smell.