HOW TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF AS A CURMUDGEON

(First, a definition. Curmudgeon: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. An old person full of stubborn notions).

• If someone is nice to you, you immediately grab hold of your wallet.
• You expect the worst out of people, and are generally not disappointed.
• You remain skeptical about a virgin birth.
• You wonder how "random acts of stupidity" can keep getting elected.
• You still think computers may have been invented by the devil.
• How can a car possibly be more expensive than a house?
• You love potlucks, but hate the socialization.
• Left-wing and right-wing people frighten you, although you would much sooner have gone to a dinner party with Marx than with Hitler.
• All those years we worried about communists when we should have been worried about Republicans and Democrats.