69 YEARS OLD

• I'M 69 YEARS OLD TOMORROW AND I STILL HAVEN'T RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY. I REALLY DON'T WANT THE JOB, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY I'D BE GOOD AT IT. BUT WHO WOULD VOTE FOR ME. I'M HARDLY KNOWN IN ARKANSAS. I MIGHT PICK UP A FEW VOTES IN GALESBURG, WHERE WE LIVED FOR 30 YEARS. AND MAYBE A COUPLE IN SOUTHERN ILLINOIS, WHERE I GREW UP. OUTSIDE OF THAT, I WOULD CLEARLY BE A LONG-SHOT. BUT I'M RELIABLE, AND I DON'T NEED NEARLY AS MANY DAYS OFF AS OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT. JUST A NAP BETWEEN 2 AND 3. AND I COULD USE A BETTER RETIREMENT PLAN.
• I'M ABOUT 69 YEARS OLD. I DON'T FEEL A DAY OVER 70. IN THE MORNING I ALWAYS FEEL A LITTLE OLDER, BUT ONCE I GET UP, FIND MY PANTS AND SHIRT, GET ON TWO MATCHING SOCKS, TAKE MY MEDS, AND DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE, I GET THE FEELING I CAN BEAT THE WORLD BACK INTO SHAPE. JUST ABOUT AT THAT MOMENT, I'M READY FOR A NAP. RIGHT AFTER MY NAP, I'M GOING TO GET MOVING. 
• THEY SAY 69 IS THE NEW 55. THEY, OF COURSE, DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. "THEY" OBVIOUSLY HAVE NOT BEEN 69. THE AVERAGE AGE FOR A MALE TO LIVE IS 74. THAT ONLY LEAVES ME WITH 5 YEARS. I GUESS I BETTER GET BACK TO CHURCH AND START CRAMMING FOR FINALS.
• I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT I WOULD MAKE IT THIS FAR. JUST ABOUT CASHED IT IN AT AGE 52. HEART ATTACK AND STERNAL STAPH INFECTION. I DID MANAGE TO SURVIVE. LUCKY YOU. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR WHAT THAT MIGHT HAVE ALL MEANT. SO FAR THE ONLY THING I GET IS SO I CAN CONTINUE TO PAY TAXES. THERE PROBABLY IS A MORE SIGNIFICANT MEANING, BUT IT'S HIDDEN BEHIND ALL MY SKEPTICISM.
• WHEN I LOOK BACK AT 69 YEARS, IT ALL SEEMS TO HAVE PASSED SO QUICKLY. I REMEMBER MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. MY BUDDY WAS SUPPOSE TO STOP BY AND TAKE ME, BUT HE FORGOT. TARDY MY FIRST DAY. THAT FIRST KISS, WHICH I AIN'T GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT BECAUSE IT WASN'T MY WIFE. ALL THE BASKETBALL AND BASEBALL MEMORIES. THIRTY YEARS MARRIED, TWO CHILDREN, TEN DOGS, FOUR DIFFERENT HOMES, SPECIAL FRIENDS, AND NUMEROUS JOBS. IT'S ALL KIND OF IS CLUMPED UP I MY MIND. FORTUNATELY, I CAN STILL REMEMBER A LOT OF IT. I DON''T KNOW. IT ALL SEEMS LIKE IT HAPPENED JUST LAST WEEK. I SURE CAN'T COMPLAIN. ITS BEEN A GOOD LIFE. NOW MY GOAL IS TO MAKE IT TO 70. I STILL HAVE A LOT TO DO, LIKE LEARNING TO SKYDIVE, AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL A SQUARE ROOT IS.