HOW TO BE A CURMUDGEON

• YOU NEED TO BE A CRUSTY, ILL-TEMPERED, AND USUALLY, OLD MAN; A CANTANKEROUS OLD CODGER. (YOU NEED TO BE A MAN. OR AT THE LEST, DRESS LIKE ONE).
• YOU HAVE TO LOOK MEAN. NO FUNNY LOOKING SMIRKS, LIKE THESE POLITICIANS HAVE.
• WHEN SOMEONE IS NICE TO YOU, YOU IMMEDIATELY GRAB HOLD OF YOUR WALLET.
• YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS.
• YOU REMAIN SKEPTICAL ABOUT A VIRGIN BIRTH. AND YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED ANYONE WALKING ON WATER.
• YOU STILL THINK COMPUTERS WERE INVENTED BY THE DEVIL.
• MOST MINISTERS MAKE YOU NERVOUS.
• YOU WONDER HOW "RANDOM ACTS OF STUPIDITY" KEEP GETTING CONGRESSMEN ELECTED.
• YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BIG TALKER AND A BIG THINKER.
• YOU FIGURE THAT EVERYONE SHOULD GET THE SAME LEVEL OF HEALTH-CARE THAT OUR POLITICIANS GET. AFTER ALL, WE PAY FOR IT.
• YOU WOULD PREFER THAT FEMALES NOT BE ALLOWED IN TAVERNS. UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY'RE DANCING.
• BEING A CURMUDGEON ISN'T ALL THAT BAD. PEOPLE LEAVE YOU ALONE.